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Saturday, 12 May 2012

What do you think?

Having battled so long with the beginning of the River Dark, the sequel to my children's novel Candle Dark, and finally realised that I was introducing too much back story, I then decided to begin as I do with a first in a series, i.e. plunge right in. Back story could wait a while. I'm still working on the first paragraphs and shall probably change things around when I've edited more chapters, but perhaps you could see what you think....


River Dark (isbn:978-0-9559818-9-0)    


One


It took all my courage to go any further, but whatever was happening I couldn’t turn back.  It was the first day of my new life, my one chance to escape from the terror of working in the mine, and I couldn’t give up now.
Nervously following the high brick wall around the stable block with the screams of a furious horse ringing in my ears, I entered the yard and saw a huge black stallion rearing up, thrashing the air with its hooves, and shrieking in anger.
A small grizzled haired man clung grimly to the leading rein, his feet sliding on damp cobbles as the animal thrashed about and he was no match for the enormous beast.  As it reared again, its hooves flailing dangerously close to the groom’s head, I saw him punch the stallion’s neck with his fist. 
Now wilder than ever, the horse gave a final heave of its mighty body, tossing the groom into the air, and he landed on his back with a sickening thud. To my horror, the stallion reared again, threatening to bring his huge weight crashing down on his tormentor, and I yelled, ‘Thunder!  Don’t!’

18 comments:

Su said...

I like it! I wonder what happens next?

Carole Anne Carr said...

Thank you so much for commenting, Sue!Hope to have it published in July. Kind regards, Carole.

Hilary Melton-Butcher said...

Hi Carole .. what a great beginning to a story - and I love the cover .. those kids look 'sad' ..

Cheers Hilary

Clarissa Draper said...

Exciting horse story! The titles are wonderful!

Elizabeth Varadan aka Mrs. Seraphina said...

Great beginning! It definitely piques interest.

Carole Anne Carr said...

So pleased you liked the beginning, Hilary, it has taken me far too long to settle down to the story, but feel I'm now on my way.

Carole Anne Carr said...

Thank you, Clarissa, now to get down to the real editing. :0)

Carole Anne Carr said...

Very pleased you were interested in my children's story, Elizabeth. Very encouraging for me.

JoLynne Lyon said...

I like the action, and I agree, the backstory can wait.

Carole Anne Carr said...

Thanks, JoLynne, now to make myself edit the rest, a real marathon.

Christine Rains said...

So much happening in that little excerpt. Great build up and tension. What a way to hook readers. Well done!

Julie Musil said...

Wow, Carole, I LOVE that! I was literally holding my breath. Great job.

Carole Anne Carr said...

Thank you, Christine, now the hard work MUST begin!

Carole Anne Carr said...

It took far too long to find that beginning, Julie, now to get on with the rest of the book!

cluculzwriter said...

You definitely got my attention. The cover is intriguing. What does happen next? I think Thunder listens and doesn't kill the groom. But I bet they're both in a lot of trouble. Great beginning, Carole. Kids are going to love this.

Carole Anne Carr said...

Thanks, Joylene, hoped it would attract your attention, if it does this to adults then I feel safe with children. Eventually hope to have Thin Time as an ebook. Not enough time in the day...

Heather Murphy said...

I love the suspense! What happens next??? :)

Carole Anne Carr said...

Heather, I do put my little people through some awful happenings, but they survive in the end! :0)

 
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